Billy and the Barguest

An' That's a True Story

"You see, sir". said Billy, "as how I'd been a-clock-dressing at Gerston (Grassington).  It war about eleven o'clock when I left,
an' war at back end o' t' year; an' it war a grand neet.  T' mooin war verra breet.  I war passin' down t' mill, an' I heeard sommat
cum past me, brush, brush, brush wi' t' chains; for, yo' see, when i stuid still it stopp'd; an' then, thowt I, this mun be a
Barguest, an' I hurried on toward t' wood brig, for they say as how a Barguest cannot cross watter; but, lord, sir, when I gat ow'r
t' brig, I heeard this same thing agin,  An' then I becom' a valiant man, for I war a bit freeten'ed afore; an' thinks I, I'll turn
an' hev a peep at this thing.  So I turn'd back to gan hame, but I'd hardly reich'd t' door when I heeard again this brush, brush,
brush, an' chains.  I followe'd it, an' t' mooin then shone verra breet, an' I seed its tail!  Then, thowt I, thou owd thin! I can
say I've seen thee now, so I'll away hame.  When I gat to t' door ther war a girt thing like a sheep, but it war bigger, liggin'
across t' threshold o't' door, an' it war wooly like; an' says I 'Git up', an' it woluldn't git up.  Then, says I, 'Stir thysel'!
an' it wouldn't stir itsel'.  An' I grew valiant, an' rais'd t' stick to baste it up, an' then it luiked at me.
 
An' sich oies (eyes)! They did glower! An' war as big as saucers, an' like a crewell'd ball; first there war a red ring, then a blue
one, then a white one; an' these rings grew less an' less, till they come to a dot!  Now, I war nane fear'd on it, tho' it grinned
at me fearfully; an' I kept on sayin', 'Git up an' stir thysel';' an' t' wife heeard as how I war at t' door
an' she cum to oppen it, an' then this thing gatup an' walk'd off, for it war more fear'd o' t' wife than it war 'o' me!  An' I
call'd wife, an' she said it war t' Barguest, but ah've nivver seed it since; an' that's a true story."
The funniest part of this account isn't the glowering oies or the fact that even when Billy "grew vailiant" it wouldn't "stir thysel", 
but the fact that the only thing that managed to scare this demon hound from Hell away was his wife.  Remember that, guys, the 
next time the Barguest comes around!